i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
