I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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