discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
