im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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