my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't put those talents on a resume
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i now understand why vodka
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