the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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