you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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