just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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