somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
