Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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