Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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