Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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