I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
