bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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