There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
