all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
