We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am available for nakedness
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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