I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
