i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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