Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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