she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
