I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
