Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
