Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
