I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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