Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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