I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is the high leading the old right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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