You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize