I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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