apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
