your room smells of hookers.
And success
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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