She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
