what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
