I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize