Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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