he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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