I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
