The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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