the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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