so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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