I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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