I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
