life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
