I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
