OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
