dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
