did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize