i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
