Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
