This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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