You're my little dorito
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
