We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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