It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
a search helicopter?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
