Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
