i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
