at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
