Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
