But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
