You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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