Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
