just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
