i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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