My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
