moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
