He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
