I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
