I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
