sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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