I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
