did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
