If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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