So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found your dick twin last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
